When everyone is used to you being the strong one, you stop being a priority to the people around you, they believe that you can handle yourself. When actually, those people that carry it so well are the ones that need help most cause they’re too scared to ask for help, they think it would ruin the ”strong” exterior that they have but there’s nothing wrong with removing the mask sometimes. It’s not a sign of weakness, you think acting tough and strong will add to your value? or so that you can meet the expectations of being strong. That people set for you when it’s all in your head, there are no “expectations” to be met. Who even gets to decide that you can handle it on your own or not? No one, no one but yourself it’s okay to not be okay which I know sounds cliche but sometimes you have to hear it to realise that you are NOT WEAK for showing how you feel! The thing is cause we dodge those feelings and avoid them they start to come out in different forms, such as unexplained anger or irritation from small irrelevant things the over sensitivity, all of that are just feelings that you accumulated inside of you disguised. That dodging and avoidance of feelings result in us not even knowing how to express ourselves anymore, we just bottle our feelings up till it overflows and it’s just a messed up cycle.

 Do you ever sit with yourself and just wish you didn’t grow up so fast, or didn’t get exposed to things that forced you to grow up fast, they let you know so much about a world you’re not ready for, it’s like you aged 100 years from this experience that you wish you never had to encounter. Everyone around you thinks oh you’re really mature and wise when really, this is just the trauma, you were forced to be mature and know things most people your age don’t know, or even go through. I know that we all have things going on in our lives some of us though, go through unimaginable stuff. That they can’t even talk about, because no one will understand or mainly cause they don’t really know how to talk about it. They just learned how to dodge those feelings or thoughts till they think they’re gone, but really they’re not they’ll always be there. Then you get lucky for once, you find that one person that makes you feel safe and you let your guard down become so vulnerable. They care and understand even give you credit for how strong you are for going through so much yet you’re still kind and have a smile on your face, well this person sometimes decides to leave with no logical explanation or valid reason. Of course life goes on and it’s not the end of the world, but it kills you. Even though you thought after all that you’ve been through you can’t be hurt again, you thought that you’ve felt all the hurt that could be felt in this world, but then life surprises you with something that you didn’t see coming, to prove to you that you aren’t dead inside after all.

Why does it feel so empty sometimes, like there are so many feelings to the point that you feel empty and numb. It’s like you wanna cry but no tears come out you, wanna scream and shout but that doesn’t help why is it an endless cycle of shit and it never gets better, life never gives me a break if one thing goes right there’s another thing going wrong and ughhhh. Why whyyy do bad things happen to good people? it’s so unfair how people have the things you want so easily butttt when it comes to you getting those things is so hard.